From the outside looking in, everything in my life looks fairly peachy. But behind closed doors, I've struggled with abusive relationships.
I am so not a fan of airing my personal business, especially in a forum as public as a blog. Yet by sharing an intimate piece of myself, I can Lord willingly help someone have a breakthrough; overcoming an equally negative situation.
It wasn't just a one-time thing. I've endured at least 3 long-term relationships, where the person made me feel good and made me look good, but never once apologized for how they mistreated me. Instead, they acted like nothing was wrong. And they'd demand money every time.
I know, I know. I bet many of y'all are shocked. I can be so assertive. I notably make it known how I feel and what I want (thus explaining why I tend to fall out with so many associates, acquaintances and friends!). I have served in numerous leadership positions and have been told that I am quite the example of a lady. But indeed, it is true.
This week, the lignt bulb finally came on and I realized that enough is enough. After years of wasting my time and enduring disrespect, I finally said 'no more.' And as of May 20, 2008, I made a step in the right direction to ensure that ish doesn't happen again.
My hands are literally shaking as I write this. I am proud of myself, yet afraid that it might get back to the person that I've dealt with for the past year and a half. Worse than that, I'm concerned that I may get desperate and go back to them. Nevertheless, I'm going exhale and take my chances.
Y'all, I switched hair stylists.
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Now of course, I was being overly dramatic – but in a way, I'm being serious. Abuse is defined as (1) to use wrongly or improperly and (2) to treat in an offensive way.
All my life, I've encountered various beauticians that take forever and a day to do my hair. I will never forget the time when I was in middle school back in Michigan: my mother dropped me off at the salon one Saturday morning to get a relaxer. I was not finished until 7pm -- 9 frickin hours later! Needless to say, we were both furious.
My breaking point with my now 'former' stylist (in North Carolina) occurred two weeks ago. Most of y'all know I have a Fantasia/Halle/Nia Long-esque short cut. Well, after being in the hair salon for SIX HOURS for a simple wash and style, I was totally fed up. Despite her hella awesome skills that always netted me compliments from complete strangers, I couldn't take it anymore. That was the final straw. Despite our nearly two years together, I finally took a stand, recognizing that my time is too precious and too valuable to be wasted. And I had the courage to walk away, never to come back.
I pose this question to all my sistas out there: Have you been used and abused by your hairstylist? Answer the following questions to see if you may also be a victim:
** Are you consistently in the shop for over 3 hours per regular appointment (wash and style or relaxer)?
** Does your stylist double, triple or quadruple book his or her appointments?
** After finally getting in the styling chair following an hour or more wait under the dryer after it turned off, does your stylist act like nothing is wrong, neglecting to offer an apology for being so slow in getting to you?
** Does your stylist seem to cop an attitude that one time that you arrive to your appointment late (because he/she is never ready on time) and they're actually running on schedule?
** Does your stylist forget the order in which clients need to be seen, or services another customer ahead of you that came after you because they created a huge stink about waiting so long (or made up a lie that they had somewhere to be rightthissecond)?
** Do you feel like your stylist is slightly offended when you don't give them a tip since you're beyond ticked off after waiting countless hours to get your hair done?
If you answered yes to two or more of the questions above, you may want to consider upgrading. I know good and well that I'm not the only one with this issue!
Yesterday I went ahead and tried out a new stylist that my girlfriend referred. And to my sheer amazement, I couldn't believe that I was in and out of the salon within two hours. And my hair looks pretty good, too.
I won't belabor the point ladies. But look: If you get mad because your stylist doesn't respect your time, switch it up. If you're like me, you may not feel comfortable confronting the stylist or whining that they take too long. I don't feel like I should have to police my stylist, keeping track of who came in before and after me, ultimately reminding them of this. They are grown . They are professional. They know better.
He or she may be a great person, and they are probably loads of fun. For me, it isn't personal. I don't have beef with my former beautician. It's just business, baby.
I know everyone runs behind from time to time. Yet if it's ridiculous and consistent, consider giving your money to someone who respects you as a customer. Patronize a beautician that is cognizant of your schedule. It is so empowering.
Peace and love,
Carah
P.S. By the way, all hair jokes aside, if you are a victim of forreal abuse (domestic) – please get out of that situation ASAP. Please leave the person. Despite your mate's promises to change, they probably won't. You can do better. Real talk.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Ballin' on a Budget: Live Within Your Means and Stop Frontin’!
Tell the truth: After perusing various profiles and photo albums on Facebook and MySpace, sometimes you can be jealous as hell. Everyone seems to be poppin’ bottles, rocking the cutest trend-setting threads, taking trips to awesome locales (domestic and international), and are more or less, doing the damn thing.
We ALL want to live the glamorous life. But with bouts of unemployment, car payments, car insurance, rent/mortgage, medical bills (perhaps due to a lack of health insurance), credit card debt, student loans and cost chaos at the gas pump… oh yeah, and food…(gotta eat right?) coupled with a measly paycheck, it seems impossible to get ahead… let alone, keep up with our seemingly better-funded ‘ball-out-‘til-I-fall-out’ peers.
Forget ‘Generation X’ and ‘Generation Y’… financial experts have labeled the 18-34 set (a.k.a. us) ‘Generation Broke.’ We want to portray a certain material status – like money ain’t a thang (“In the Ferrarri, the Jaguar switching four lanes, top down, screaming out money ain’t a thang!” Throwback! I love that song with JD and Jay-Z!). Yet in reality, all of our flossing and fronting, courtesy of Visa, MasterCard and American Express, drives many of us deeper and deeper in the black hole of debt.
This is not the predictable ‘cut up your credit cards/no more daily Starbucks’ schpiel. I’m sure y’all have heard the sermon repeatedly about how you’ve got to take control of your finances by creating a budget, having a SAVINGS ACCOUNT (you’d be surprised to know that some folks our age don’t have one. Forreal.) and contributing more toward your retirement. So why rehash?
Instead, I’m going to list some PRACTICAL, REALISTIC suggestions for how you can reduce and/or eliminate some of your weekly and monthly expenses in order to save more greenbacks. That way, you’ll have more funds to throw into your Roth IRA, pay down your debts, legitimately take that fabulous trip or quite simply to do it up locally from time to time for fellow FB-ers to envy YOUR photo albums for once.
It’s time-tested advice, lived out by yours truly. You’d be surprised how saving $5 here and $15 there adds up to hundreds of dollars over the course of a couple months. I’m all about enjoying life and enjoying the fruits of my labor. But at the same time, we MUST set limits. With gas prices approaching $4 a gallon, we can’t spend frivolously like we used to.
■ Find a hobby that doesn’t require shopping
When we’re bored on the weekend with time to kill, what do we do? Shop. Maybe it’s a quick run to Wally World (Wal-Mart) or Target… maybe the mall. Not always good. Try to identify other creative activities that won’t have you digging in your pockets as much – fall in love with the library, visit museums, volunteer at a local hospital or shelter, sign-up for a Netflix subscription, exercise (if you’re too cheap to buy a fitness DVD, swap with someone or watch the various programs on FitTV), sketch, discover the parks in your city, host a game night with friends (don’t front, Twister and Jenga are the sh*t). Call it being cheap… or call it being smart.
■ Order wine instead of top shelf liquor at the club
Ladies, if someone else is footing the bill – it’s all good: Hook up the shots of Patron, the Royal Flush, the Long Island Iced Tea… the WORKS! But if you’re Sponsor-less, don’t scan the bar like a drink whore, expecting a random guy to treat your thirsty butt. House wines range from about $3 to $6 a glass. It gives you a classy, diva-esque air without killing your pockets.
If you TOTALLY don’t do wines, either go for the mixed drink specials or consume a bottle of your choice at the house or in the parking lot prior to going inside the club (if someone else is driving of course…).
■ Don’t eat out all the time
You MUST set a weekly budget for your quick trips to Mickey D’s, Bojangles (y’all don’t have this up North. Straight DELISH!) and Chick fil A. You’d be surprised how quickly all the fast food, Happy Hours and lunches add up. Heck, I’d like to have more to show for my hard-earned money than piss and poop.
■ Do you want fries with that shake? Hell to the naw!
We’ve been ingrained during our fast food excursions that we MUST get the value meal or that we MUST get fries and a drink to go with our burger. Try this: Get the burger, nix the fries and get a courtesy cup of water. You’ll save at least $2 (yay, more money for gas!) and your waistline will thank you for avoiding hundreds of calories. It’s a small savings, but it adds up over time. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll eat French fries SOMETIMES, but I try to make it a delicacy.
■ For the ladies: Take off the acrylic nails!
I used to ‘get my nails did’ religiously during my College days and for a while afterward. Natural nubs couldn’t hold a candle to the more polished, feminine French or American Manicures that I rocked. However, au natural hands can be really pretty when kept up. Seriously! Last week, after staring at my nails for a minute, my sister finally asked me, "Are those your nails or acrylics?"
I go to the nail salon about once a month for a $12 manicure (to establish the shape and to get my cuticles pushed back). Then I maintain them myself for the rest of the month. So that’s an extra $15 to $20 in my pocket every 2 weeks. That’s nearly $200 saved over a 6-month span.
■ For the ladies: Do your own relaxer
I know, I know. I’m all about healthy, professionally-styled hair. But hey, sometimes that $5 box perm can tide you over a month or two, which knocks at least $20 off of your monthly hair appointment total. Relax your hair at home and then go to the salon to get it cut and styled.
■ For the ladies: Razor/pluck your eyebrows between monthly waxes
The wax establishes the general shape/ arch of your eyebrows . A $2 mini-razor from Sally’s Beauty Supply will allow you to get rid of the stray eyebrow hairs, eliminating at least two visits to the salon. Total monthly savings: About $15
■ Set limits for the holidays and plan in advance
You KNEW your girl’s b’day was later this month. So don’t wait until the week before to panic and make excuses because you’re flat broke. Set aside a little bit every paycheck so you won’t be scrambling. The same thing applies for Christmas. Set a limit. Don’t get lost in the hype, and spend $800 on presents. That’s totally unnecessary and unrealistic. You don’t have to break the bank in order to prove your love to fam and friends.
****************************************************************
If you’re tired of being broke as hell, stop griping and take action! Apply the aforementioned suggestions, get a second job or a side hustle, TITHE (10% to God first) and pray that God will give you the wisdom and discipline to make the right financial decisions.
If all else fails, marry rich. J/K.
Lastly, in your quest to financial wellness, be realistic. Don’t always be so quick to compare your financial status to that of others. Sometimes, the people who seem to have it all together may not be as perfect as you think. They might be hopelessly in debt. Or maybe they still live at home (I’m a part of this club. My Nana is my landlord!) Perhaps they are legitimately paid, but have a tedious, agonizing job with long hours and creepy coworkers. You just never know a person’s situation!
Please feel free to share your money-savings tips in the comment section. I’m interested in finding out how you keep your finances in order.
XOXO, Carah
We ALL want to live the glamorous life. But with bouts of unemployment, car payments, car insurance, rent/mortgage, medical bills (perhaps due to a lack of health insurance), credit card debt, student loans and cost chaos at the gas pump… oh yeah, and food…(gotta eat right?) coupled with a measly paycheck, it seems impossible to get ahead… let alone, keep up with our seemingly better-funded ‘ball-out-‘til-I-fall-out’ peers.
Forget ‘Generation X’ and ‘Generation Y’… financial experts have labeled the 18-34 set (a.k.a. us) ‘Generation Broke.’ We want to portray a certain material status – like money ain’t a thang (“In the Ferrarri, the Jaguar switching four lanes, top down, screaming out money ain’t a thang!” Throwback! I love that song with JD and Jay-Z!). Yet in reality, all of our flossing and fronting, courtesy of Visa, MasterCard and American Express, drives many of us deeper and deeper in the black hole of debt.
This is not the predictable ‘cut up your credit cards/no more daily Starbucks’ schpiel. I’m sure y’all have heard the sermon repeatedly about how you’ve got to take control of your finances by creating a budget, having a SAVINGS ACCOUNT (you’d be surprised to know that some folks our age don’t have one. Forreal.) and contributing more toward your retirement. So why rehash?
Instead, I’m going to list some PRACTICAL, REALISTIC suggestions for how you can reduce and/or eliminate some of your weekly and monthly expenses in order to save more greenbacks. That way, you’ll have more funds to throw into your Roth IRA, pay down your debts, legitimately take that fabulous trip or quite simply to do it up locally from time to time for fellow FB-ers to envy YOUR photo albums for once.
It’s time-tested advice, lived out by yours truly. You’d be surprised how saving $5 here and $15 there adds up to hundreds of dollars over the course of a couple months. I’m all about enjoying life and enjoying the fruits of my labor. But at the same time, we MUST set limits. With gas prices approaching $4 a gallon, we can’t spend frivolously like we used to.
■ Find a hobby that doesn’t require shopping
When we’re bored on the weekend with time to kill, what do we do? Shop. Maybe it’s a quick run to Wally World (Wal-Mart) or Target… maybe the mall. Not always good. Try to identify other creative activities that won’t have you digging in your pockets as much – fall in love with the library, visit museums, volunteer at a local hospital or shelter, sign-up for a Netflix subscription, exercise (if you’re too cheap to buy a fitness DVD, swap with someone or watch the various programs on FitTV), sketch, discover the parks in your city, host a game night with friends (don’t front, Twister and Jenga are the sh*t). Call it being cheap… or call it being smart.
■ Order wine instead of top shelf liquor at the club
Ladies, if someone else is footing the bill – it’s all good: Hook up the shots of Patron, the Royal Flush, the Long Island Iced Tea… the WORKS! But if you’re Sponsor-less, don’t scan the bar like a drink whore, expecting a random guy to treat your thirsty butt. House wines range from about $3 to $6 a glass. It gives you a classy, diva-esque air without killing your pockets.
If you TOTALLY don’t do wines, either go for the mixed drink specials or consume a bottle of your choice at the house or in the parking lot prior to going inside the club (if someone else is driving of course…).
■ Don’t eat out all the time
You MUST set a weekly budget for your quick trips to Mickey D’s, Bojangles (y’all don’t have this up North. Straight DELISH!) and Chick fil A. You’d be surprised how quickly all the fast food, Happy Hours and lunches add up. Heck, I’d like to have more to show for my hard-earned money than piss and poop.
■ Do you want fries with that shake? Hell to the naw!
We’ve been ingrained during our fast food excursions that we MUST get the value meal or that we MUST get fries and a drink to go with our burger. Try this: Get the burger, nix the fries and get a courtesy cup of water. You’ll save at least $2 (yay, more money for gas!) and your waistline will thank you for avoiding hundreds of calories. It’s a small savings, but it adds up over time. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll eat French fries SOMETIMES, but I try to make it a delicacy.
■ For the ladies: Take off the acrylic nails!
I used to ‘get my nails did’ religiously during my College days and for a while afterward. Natural nubs couldn’t hold a candle to the more polished, feminine French or American Manicures that I rocked. However, au natural hands can be really pretty when kept up. Seriously! Last week, after staring at my nails for a minute, my sister finally asked me, "Are those your nails or acrylics?"
I go to the nail salon about once a month for a $12 manicure (to establish the shape and to get my cuticles pushed back). Then I maintain them myself for the rest of the month. So that’s an extra $15 to $20 in my pocket every 2 weeks. That’s nearly $200 saved over a 6-month span.
■ For the ladies: Do your own relaxer
I know, I know. I’m all about healthy, professionally-styled hair. But hey, sometimes that $5 box perm can tide you over a month or two, which knocks at least $20 off of your monthly hair appointment total. Relax your hair at home and then go to the salon to get it cut and styled.
■ For the ladies: Razor/pluck your eyebrows between monthly waxes
The wax establishes the general shape/ arch of your eyebrows . A $2 mini-razor from Sally’s Beauty Supply will allow you to get rid of the stray eyebrow hairs, eliminating at least two visits to the salon. Total monthly savings: About $15
■ Set limits for the holidays and plan in advance
You KNEW your girl’s b’day was later this month. So don’t wait until the week before to panic and make excuses because you’re flat broke. Set aside a little bit every paycheck so you won’t be scrambling. The same thing applies for Christmas. Set a limit. Don’t get lost in the hype, and spend $800 on presents. That’s totally unnecessary and unrealistic. You don’t have to break the bank in order to prove your love to fam and friends.
****************************************************************
If you’re tired of being broke as hell, stop griping and take action! Apply the aforementioned suggestions, get a second job or a side hustle, TITHE (10% to God first) and pray that God will give you the wisdom and discipline to make the right financial decisions.
If all else fails, marry rich. J/K.
Lastly, in your quest to financial wellness, be realistic. Don’t always be so quick to compare your financial status to that of others. Sometimes, the people who seem to have it all together may not be as perfect as you think. They might be hopelessly in debt. Or maybe they still live at home (I’m a part of this club. My Nana is my landlord!) Perhaps they are legitimately paid, but have a tedious, agonizing job with long hours and creepy coworkers. You just never know a person’s situation!
Please feel free to share your money-savings tips in the comment section. I’m interested in finding out how you keep your finances in order.
XOXO, Carah
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